Managing Frustration for Children Group
Prevention: Teen Health Issues
Do you have an attorney under your roof? Ever feel like you do nothing but argue with your son? Embarrassed that a 6-year-old can whoop you in an argument and leave you steaming while she has that twinkle in her eye? Or maybe it is more serious and your child has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Let's shed the labels and discover the needs your child is trying to meet when arguing or being defiant. Once we meet the needs, many of the negative behaviors are mitigated. What are the three primary needs that aren't being met when your child turns into an attorney or exhibits ODD behaviors?
Our kids are hard wired to ask WHY because it provides order and context to their lives. They need to understand the WHY before the WHAT. And that's okay. That's why Thomas Edison ultimately became the greatest inventor the world has ever known. He never stopped asking WHY.
Our kids need CONTEXT. They need to make order of the world, so be proactive in explaining the big picture first. Don't mistake their questions for rebellion. Look at it as a genuine desire to learn more or find a better way to do things, or just understand the bigger picture. If you notice your child struggling with a math problem, close the book and explain the larger concept first. Then come back to the specific problem.
Because our kids' brains are under-stimulated, they will constantly seek stimulation. One "amazing" way our kids stimulate their brains is by arguing with us or pushing our buttons. That's why they make such great attorneys!
When you react to their provocations, you dump fuel on the fire and reinforce this negative desire for stimulation. Instead, focus your child's energy on challenges, positive projects using their gifts, and physical activities. Replace the negative intensity ("Why do you have to do that?! Cut it out!") with intense praise. If you can't stop reacting or your spouse continues to make negative comments and yell, this will make situations worse every time. Take the Calm Challenge today!
Our kids need to own their decisions. Just consider their lives. Everyone tells these highly independent, very bright kids what to do and when. Do you know how frustrating that can be, especially when they can't make sense of many "stupid" rules arbitrarily imposed upon them? Hence the anger and defiance.
As a parent, I want my son owning his decisions and his future. Then it's not up to me to "make" him do this or that. Give your children choices. Let them know they are ultimately responsible for their actions, and that their actions determine their rewards and consequences. Repeat this often, "It's your choice."
I like and prefer kids who ask why and push buttons. Know why? Because they are curious, imaginative and understand human nature. There are two ways we can go with these kids. We can continue to argue, yell and be negative--that will destroy your child and your relationship. Or you can get control of yourself and really understand your kids--you can replace the negativity with motivated, responsible kids (toddlers and teens) who use their big hearts to change the world.
This is the question we have asked in our family this season: what do YOU want? Write it down. Do you really want that? Then what are you going to do to make sure you can break these habits and create new ones?
Take the Calm Challenge to start the New Year with a 40-day plan to overcome your anxiety, perfectionism or yelling with new habits. We just added a Confident Woman Challenge as well. We'll help you learn to be assertive, control yourself and be that calm, confident person you've wanted to be. Be bold and take action so 2012 is the best year of your life.
Eating Disorders Event . . .
Attached is a flyer outlining the educational event on eating disorders that Norton Women's Healthcare is hosting. It's on Tuesday Jan 17th at the Marshall Women's Center in Suburban from 6 to 8 pm. It will be a panel discussion with physicians, clinicians, and survivors talking about diagnosis and treatment options.
Peace for Parents meetings on October 25th & December 6th - Click here for more information on the Oct. 25 meeting.
The Y - Parents Taking Action - free seminars to inform, educate, build support groups and direct parents to organizations that will assist them in helping children - October 29, 2011
Langsford Center Reading Seminars for Parents
(502) 473-7000
WeTeachReading.com
- Oct 20 - What Parents Should Know About Reading – free RSVP
- Oct 26 - Reading Interventions: What works? What doesn't? – free RSVP
- Nov 3 - Teaching Phonological Awareness in the Classroom – $30/person RSVP
- Nov 17 - High School to College Paradigm Shift for Learning Differences Accommodations – free RSVP
DIvorce Group Information & Registration Sheet
Study Skills Workshop January 2012
COMMENTS FROM THE COUNSELOR, Paulette Stinnett – Time for a snow dance! If I can be of help to you and/or your family, you can contact me by e-mail, pstinnett@bellsouth.net, or phone, #239-5535 ext. 201. Below are the topics we have been discussing in our guidance classes during the month of January:
Kindergarten: Review: peace building, manners & bullying; Listening Skills
1st Grade: Review: teamwork & manners; Bullying
2nd Grade: Review: peace building, teamwork, & manners; Bullying
3rd Grade: Review: peace building, teamwork, manners & honesty; Bullying
4th Grade: Review: teamwork & honesty; Manners quiz
5th Grade: Honesty; Manners quiz
6th Grade: Review teamwork; Life Skills
